Client names have been changed to protect their confidentiality.
*ring ring* *ring ring* *ring ring*
“Hello?”, my client answers, in a breathless tone, with a hastiness that leads me to visualize her jumping over dirty dishes and needy children to get to her phone.
“Hi Barbara, It’s Katie, with Katie Can Help Organizing. Is this a good time to talk?”
Barbara replies, “Is it ever a good time? My time is not my own these days… *she covers the mouthpiece to speak indistinctly to her children*… With a *heavy sigh* she returns to continue “I’m just swimming. I feel like I can never catch up or keep up. I can’t keep it all straight. I’m just… I don’t know… it’s too much.”
I’ve heard this many times in my years as an organizer. Often, there is a sense of grief for the loss of the *perfect adult* you once envisioned. Maybe there is an undercurrent of shame for struggling for so long. There can be an edge of sadness stemming from just feeling worn out*, lacking skill, and/or unappreciated.
(*This link will take you to the song “Worn” by Tenth Avenue North. If you are feeling anything I just wrote about, click on the link and spend 4 minutes listening with your heart, not your ears. You are loved, able and appreciated.)
Been there, done that. More than once twice and it SUUUUCKS.
I am fortunate, however, that I have experience and skill in finding patterns in life and applying linear logic to some of the biggest jumbled mind-messes.
Knowing she struggles to keep her school-aged children focused and helpful, I asked “Barbara, why don’t you tell me what you want your kids’ mornings to look like”.
While she walks me through her ideal morning, I notice it is void of chaos and Nagging Nelly, who has threatened to take up permanent residence in the kitchen. In the scene she wistfully paints for me, the kids and the house are all reasonably clean. However, she is not tearing her hair out to achieve the ideal.
Her ideal is simple: Her kids learn to be autonomous while she and her husband maintain the top of the totem, and a safe and comfortable environment.
Have you ever heard the phrase “kids thrive on consistency”? It’s totally true. It’s why daycares and preschools have “Circle Time”, why the teacher sings the same song to signal to the children in her charge that school is beginning, and why there is a sense of ritual when pick-up time comes. These routines are setting them up for successful transitions, from home to school and back again.
Three Phases of Learning
When creating a routine for your family, understand there are 3 distinct phases to teaching autonomy.
- Teacher: You will need to walk through the process with your child. As you do this, flex your patience muscle, because they may need many demonstrations.
- Coach: You will encourage and direct your child but you don’t do the work for them.
- Mentor: You will encourage your child when they struggle, but you know they are able to do the job completely.
As you begin to list the things you want your child to do/learn to do, understand that some skills may require your “teacher hat”, while others tasks need more mentorship than anything.
By the end of my conversation with Barbara, we outlined both before-school and before-bed routines as well as started to explore the stresses of staying on top of the school expectations for the year. She’s gone from frazzled to focused. In place of her desperate tone, I now hear hope. She no longer feels the weight of the world, which is a step closer to her ideal.
Routine Building Supply List
These are Amazon Affiliate links which means I would get a small kickback for you using them, at no added cost to you.
- Self-Laminating Sheets: Once you’ve printed your lists, easily laminate them with these sleeves so you can use the lists over and over. PLUS, they resist spills #Kids
- Grease Pens: I use grease pens rather than dry or wet-erase markers because you don’t have to let them dry and they don’t *accidentally* wipe off too easily. Just clear the sheet each night/morning with a dry towel.
AM/PM Routine Examples
To encourage success for each of these, the kids work towards their currency of choice (right now, it’s an hour of non-school screentime). If they mark something off that wasn’t actually done, they lose 5 minutes of their screentime. They can also lose access to their screens on the basis of behavior.
DIY Routine Creation
How Katie Can Help
If you need help creating a customized AM/PM routine for your family consider ordering a Customized AM/PM Routine Printable.
Included in this $60 service:
- Up to 1-hour intake call (additional time to be billed)
- An AM & PM Routine Chart
- Up to 2 basic edits (adding, deleting, moving tasks) within 1 week of the printable’s creation.
Contact me to schedule your free consult now
Next Week, on Katie Can Help: The Benefits of a Master Schedule and How to Create One for Your Busy Family